Gift Horse/Trojan Horse

I was going to write something different today, but then THIS happened.  First it was the toothpaste (harmless), then the champagne (not harmless)!

I’ve avoided going to the grocery store or anywhere in the public realm since March 14, except when I had to get a new tire.  I decided to go on Tuesday wearing mask and gloves and I intended, and I hope I achieved, buying enough food to last me until July, so I don’t have to go back again, maybe at all, depending on when I leave.  The liquor store opened on Monday, so I placed an order for pick-up and I made sure to get enough wine and Aperol to last until July.  I guess it was a “substantive” order because they threw in for free eight bottles of Cinzano spumante – I guess you’d call it a sparkling wine.

Eight bottles!  I asked my neighbors (pleaded) if they wanted some, but they declined.  I put a bottle in the fridge for a while and then tasted it.  It’s fine, but I just don’t think I’ll drink it.

Then suddenly, while I was minding my own business, luckily in my “spot” on the couch with all of my devices, there was an explosion – really loud – so loud the neighbors came running to see if I was all right.  One of those bottles of Cinzano spumante EXPLODED.  There was glass and sparkling wine everywhere in my kitchen.  Luckily !!! I wasn’t in the kitchen when it happened.  I’m taking the eff’ing spumante to the dump tomorrow.  I don’t want it in my house!

The worst part was I had to mop the kitchen floor.  And I don’t mop.  I’ve always depended on the kindness of roommates, husband, maid to take care of the mopping.  Yes, I’m spoiled, but I’m also terrible at it!  And my kitchen still smells like booze!

Another bullet dodged.

I looked up on the internet and “experts” seem to agree that bottles of champagne rarely explode anymore:  “Even though I’ve heard stories of bottles of Champagne exploding, those stories are rare now that glass bottles are machine-made—thick and quite structurally sound.”  Well, not so rare.  I took the remaining six bottles to the recycling center.  As I dropped each bottle in, it made the now familiar sound of a glass bottle hitting other glass bottles and shattering.  But at least three of the bottles I dropped in the bin exploded too.  I’m never going to feel safe again with one of those things in my house!  Such a shame.  I hope I get over it.